Tantra Journey

My Tantra Journey

2011-01-13T08:10:00.000-08:00

The blog is still here.

This blog is well hidden.

My Journey is at a standstill.

We don't talk much anymore. Conditions on my end more than hers.

There is a deep longing in me to continue. It surfaces from time to time.

Conversations occur occasionally, sporadically, enough to keep the ember of desire glowing ever so slightly.

Occasional Incredible Orgasms

2010-04-12T05:30:00.000-07:00

Well time apart can sometimes just lead to incredible intense orgasms. I think it had been a few months since I has talked with V. We had a change to catch up last week. And some intense 'play' followed. Her voice and her way with me, just brings me intense pleasure.
Just words and visions. My mind explodes waves of orgasmic release. She is the only one I can seem to get my own multiple orgasms with. Now for a guy this does take some practice, that ability to have an orgasm with out the volcano erupting ;) , but with her it is easy for me to do. I get to a 'place' and it really just takes her telling me "cum now" and I do.

My tantra journey

2010-03-24T07:48:00.000-07:00

Well, like I said last week, my tantra journey with V is on hold really.
there was a just miss contact last week. :(

SO my tantra journey has taken a turn.
More meditation.
Daily now.

I had dropped off for a while, with just me not making the time to do it.

then I read something:

'Mindfullness is just a work without meditation'

wow that really shocked me back into awareness of the need, the desire to meditate.

then with awareness and meditation I become more aware of my sexual desires, where I want to go. or just aware of the desire inside me.

does that make any sense?

LONG TIME

2010-03-15T06:53:00.000-07:00

Long time no post huh?

what is up with me and my muse....

well once we were 'found out' things had to come to a screeching halt for a while.
contact now is minimal, sort of my choice. Not what I want really, but what I am doing at the moment.

I don't get much traffic here since I don't post, but I have nothing of a sexual nature to post about really. Sex with wife is pretty vanilla....

Like last night for instance... when she is putting an ice bag on her pussy
I am like
what are you doing?

she says well she feels something coming on, it feels tight like she has to pee, and she is trying to relax the muscles... In NO mood for anything frisky....

Putting ice on her pussy....
there is a metaphor in there as well...

Some flirting

2009-10-26T10:41:00.000-07:00

More contact...
some flirting..
unable to talk because of my situation.

But flirting again

:D

Times Changing

2009-10-12T08:19:00.000-07:00

I last posted in June. A lot has happened in my life. NOT much of it with V actually.
I some LONG trips this summer and we were able to connect for a month.
I do miss her so. I miss the connection we had. Daily connection via phone or email.
NOW weekly at best emails. We haven't talked in a long time.
I miss her voice so much.
It had just been a long times since a post and I wanted to say SOMETHING here.
I even took a tour of links on the side over to the right.
Like my last post, I cannot do any such surfing at work any longer.
Nice to read familiar 'voices'. Written words are the voice of the writer. Glimpses into the world of the writer. This morning has been a rush of emotions.

I will write again soon

ARRRGGG

2009-06-22T06:52:00.000-07:00

Filters
yes filters at work. BIG BROTHER has put up filters at work so I cannot go to some web sites that contain specific words. Much like George Carlin's 7 words I am noticing.

SO if I am not commenting on your page, it is because I can't even view it from work.

sometimes the blocking page will say 'why' I can't view some pages...

these are the words I have seen so far as to why certian web pages will not show up..

sex, lingerie, swim suits, nudity
BIG BROTHER is watching.

It always gets better

2009-06-04T07:04:00.000-07:00

V and I were able to 'get together' the other night. (Just on the phone remember). Well it was like last winter all over again. V guiding me through some intense emotional releases. It felt so good to be relaxed to have her voice in my ear, to have her in my mind really. Sharing our ups and downs of the past few weeks. No rush, no rush at all. I get quiet sometimes, just feeling being in her presence, she usually says 'what ya thinkin?' depending on her tone, it is just inquiring or sometimes, this time, it has sexual undertones. We had connected, now was time for sexual thoughts. I felt as though I was pushing it, forcing the conversation, V just told me to relax, she would make sure I got what I needed. "I always do don't I?" Yes you always do V, you always know what I need.

She would guide me, touch the tip, just touch your nipples, squeeze hard, we explored many places on my body, my body is becoming one entire sexual organ. When I start riding the edge of orgasm, V will just say, "Cum for me" or "Cum now" in a deep sense, she has me hypnotized in a way. I am totally aware of what I am doing, but I can have an orgasm when ever SHE wants me to. It is a most amazing experience.

I must have cum, 30 times, I truely lost track of them all, totally lost track of time. I totally released a huge amount of built up tension and sexual frustration. I was so relaxed and calm the next day.

We just have to enjoy the times we have and we are making the most of each of them.

Teasing and Teasing and Teasing

2009-05-27T06:02:00.000-07:00

We couldn't talk. Too many people around on my end.
So we texted. We hadn't talked in a while anyway.
She was horny, VERY horny. We had chatted a bit earlier in the day about our last encounter, like I posted about, and that had really aroused her. The spanking, Rage's comment about the spanking, how I felt about it, how she wanted to see me with a collar on, erection with a cock ring, my erect cock bouncing around.

A little spanking.

She was telling me how wet she was, I was telling her how hard I was. My wife not 15 feet away reading a book. I undid one button and pinched a nipple at her request. More arousal from me and from her.

I could do nothing for release. Tension, teasing, buildup..

I am still feeling the sexual buildup in my body.

2009-05-22T08:06:00.000-07:00

We had a 'meeting' recently, phone meeting.

Different than most actually. It had been a while, weeks. V had had some stress, work, other guys.. well she sort of took it out on me. Our interactions, she was quite demanding, quite forceful in her dealings with me sexually. Since our encounters are phone sex imagination plays a huge part. Being able to drop into that visual scenario in each or our minds is where the arousal occurs. Different for sure, but still it can be and was this last time, quite erotic.

She was describing spanking me. Now in reality I am not sure how I feel about that actually, but in the moment, talking about it, I knew it was arousing for her, I can sense when she gets aroused, so I just dropped into that space in my mind and let it happen.
Scratching, biting, all of that was occurring.. I kept saying "mark me, mark me" I just wanted her to mark me in some way, with her nails, with her teeth. That was quite arousing for me, and V as well. She had a most powerful orgasm. I had many, many orgasms.

There will now be a time of little contact, due to my home environment. We both know this, acknowledge it, yet still I feel something missing by not being able to talk to her.
We chatted online last night, and as we talked about our last phone encounter, V was getting aroused... she told me.. I could feel it... it took so much self control to NOT call her...
BUT there are times when that is just the way it has to be.

Our next encounter? when there is some opening.

Another get together

2009-05-04T07:12:00.000-07:00

Some time opened up and we were able to talk. A good time, very good time.
We spent a long time just talking. We hadn't talked , just talked in a long time. V had had a stressful week, and needed to just talk and be quiet. Relax.. she really needed that, it was a calming time as well.
She then said, "I want to make you cum" she was ready to make me cum, that brought a smile to my face and a rush to my cock.
We concentrated on me more that her this night. She was really focused on bringing out the intensity of pleasure in my cock... the slit.. pressure, rubbing....
the orgasms... there are times V says your 'orgasms are beautiful' . They just seem like orgasms, some more intense than others, but when I don't push and just let them overwhelm my body.. they become whole body orgasms.
I very pleasurable evening!

Events

2009-04-28T08:16:00.000-07:00

Well, some updates for any who might still come by here.

I have been laying low not many calls to V, trying to be 'good' etc etc.
Not my favorite choice in the world but a necessary choice at the current moment in time.

I was able to talk to V a number of times when I was out of town. Also a number of times, we fell asleep on each other. Kinda funny actually but we had our orgasmic times.

Just recently we were able to talk one evening. Again I just had a short window of time. BUT we made the most of it. V was intent on making me 'cum'. That was what SHE wanted, to hear my orgasms, over and over and over. The slit on the end of my cock, the 'place behind the balls' (perineum actually, I am very sensitive there, in a GOOD way).

I did as directed. I touched where she said touch, I didn't touch at all for part of the time, yet still the arousal built up to a crescendo. Her voice, her tone sends me over the edge, her energy transmits to me that excites me so. No other can excite me the way she does. I feel her energy in her voice, I know her arousal, I can sense it.

It was short, but it was sweet.

That night, I had a dream. I was walking around whistling, some unknown tune. I never do that in real life, but in this dream life, I was happy and content. Walking around like the opening scene in Andy of Mayberry.. LOL..
THAT is how i felt!

writing and traveling

2009-04-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

Well, a long trip, and as it comes to a close, I haven't written anything here....

work, VERY busy, very long days, like 12-14 hour work days. all that leaves me tired at the end of the day, some days no dinner even, a couple of beers, off to bed.

I have talked to Goddess V, a number of nights, not every night, one or the the other is tired, asleep... different time zones come into play on this trip as well....

BUT there have been some amazing phone sessions, some amazing erotic releases. The kind of "old days" of a couple of months ago... lol

here it is late again, seems V is asleep tonight, last night it was me who went to bed 'early' and last night I had no energy at all... she texted me and from her 'tone' I knew she was horny.. I just had NO energy.. 14 hour work day, some food.. and... I was out...

I will post more, but I had to get something on here......

A Dream

2009-03-27T06:59:00.000-07:00

I feel the need to write this.

A dream I had this morning.

I am looking at myself in a mirror. Face and shoulders and chest.
Odd I can never remember seeing my own face in a dream before.

I am thinking in my dream, how do others see me? How do women see me, see my body language?

I then immediately see tension in my face and shoulders, I tell myself to just relax, just relax.
I see my face soften, my shoulders drop..

I tell myself again, "yes, just relax more"

Very introspective dream?

Has some deep meaning.. I guess I need to relax more :)

Potential

2009-03-27T06:58:00.000-07:00

Well......
business trip coming up.

FREE time.

ANTICIPATION.

Longing for her voice.
Feeling the need to communicate.

Trip encounter

2009-03-18T05:30:00.000-07:00

As you can tell, we are not talking directly at the moment, our mutual decision at this point. Frustrating? HELL YES. Do I want to talk to her? YES.

We did have a great time recently. I saw or maybe realized a different side of V, a very tender side. She was so supportive of me and my dilemma . I also realized more of our feelings toward each other. Absence makes the heart grow fonder they say. Well there is something to that, but there is also a closeness brought on by talking or contact every day. Then when that every day contact is taken away, the absence is more profound, a deep longing arises that had been there, but becomes more profound.
A sense of need of the other. A sense of "I just want to feel your presence". We will just have to see how things develop, I miss her SO MUCH!
Her voice, her little laughs, and as she says, I miss her "enjoy tormenting" me, those are such lovely arousing times.

Communication

2009-03-17T12:21:00.001-07:00

Rogue and I had some time to talk while he was away on a business venture but originally he did not plan to talk. I knew he was away and was able to talk but I also knew that he was trying not to communicate with me. Eventually, he found himself in a state of intoxication before he ended up sending me a text message. It was a very emotional time for him. This has been a challenge for both of us. The recent discovery has also given me a scare. A part of me is terrified that I will be sought after by an angry wife or someone else close to Rogue. I could very well lose my job if that were to happen. That sort of behavior would not be tolerated.

The complications continue.

But, we were also able to come (cum) together in several wonderful releases that seemed to make things okay for a short while. I do so enjoy tormenting him through those releases.

Follow up

2009-03-10T21:23:00.001-07:00

My Goddess V...

she told you what happened....

our text messages were discovered...
lesson learned.. always clear text messages..
always clear url's (lesson learned earlier)

well... the discovery caused much pain, emotional, with me, V and my wife.. the past almost 2 weeks now..

My wife told me.. 'I want to hate you'

V tells me.. " just tell me what you want"

lots more.. but V has been such emotional support, the past year, always there.. wife now monitoring every move at home, internet, phone calls, checking my cell phone,.. I am in a state of paranoia plus..
I just don't know what to do..

V said in her last post,.. she felt confused by me.. she has given a LOT to me..... and she felt I was 'jerking her around' even if it was unintentional...

I was(am) hurting everybody..... I am in a state of confusion, emotional isolation, sexual island... alone.. without anything....

wife hates me... V not knowing what to do... V wanting to give me support....

I want to talk to V.. I want her voice in my ear...

I need something solid, something warm, soft.. to just hold at this point in time..

I have a cold bed...

I am traveling this week.. normally I would be talking to V every night... long...
She has other commitments anyway.. I knew about before the discovery of the cell phone messages....
even if I texted her.. she couldn't talk....

V has been such a light in my life the past year...
She has shown me many things... she has always been there..
emotionally, sexually(via phone) even just a friend some times..
but she has given me a LOT, A LOT.... more than I ever asked, freely openly...
she has invested a lot of emotion in me.. in ME

I want her still.,...
I want her always...

YET this week I am alone....
totally alone

Update

2009-03-06T12:20:00.000-08:00

I spoke to Rogue last night and I mentioned to him that we needed to update everyone on the latest and not-so-greatest of recent events. Long story short - our text messages were discovered. It has really stirred up a hornet's nest of things. Communication is now relatively non-existent. We talked some last night but I was very frustrated and tired because of other things. I respect his life and those in it, however, the whole I-don't-know-what-to-do thing frustrated me. We had talked about this possibility and I expressed that I had no problem with stepping back so that he could focus on his other responsibilities. It was not an idea that appealed to Rogue.

After intermittent discussions, I decided that I would not be the one to contact him. Typically, he initiates communication.

Then, after that conversation, he decided that was too hard for him and so he texted last night and we talked for a while. I do not mind the lack of communication so much as the "no, we won't talk" followed by "yes, we will" followed by "no, we won't, but maybe we will".

I know this is a difficult time for him and I want to be supportive - even if that means removing myself from the situation to allow him better focus on other things that may require his attention.

Rogue will likely offer his own views of the recent events and I will continue to support him as he needs through this. But a person can only give so much emotional energy.

Teasing and wanting...

2009-02-26T08:47:00.000-08:00

Driving home.. texted V..

she just got out of work, working late again.. I was speeding home, late myself..
wife expecting me home for dinner..
not enough over lap to talk to V..

Text from V later in the evening, "horny"

later " I am all showered, in bed, smelling good"
OH MY what a text to get the juices flowing..
trying to get away, to get some time with V, BUT....
being watched oh so closely...

"I am so horny" she texts....

I just can't get away.. too dangerous.. I want to SO much..

such teasing on my end.. such wanting on both our ends...

Pssst

2009-02-19T08:09:00.000-08:00

Tuesday and Wed.. I get a text message from V.. "Pssst I am feeling horny"

Multiple times..

SHE really wanted me.. she really wanted to get off...

I couldn't talk Tuesday night.. BUT we did hook up Wednesday night..
HOT, she was so VERY HOT.....

THEN last night.. I had some free time.. late...
She wasn't in the horny mood of the previous 2 days... we talked a long time..
until I found a parking place in a motel parking lot that afforded me some private space.

OH wow.. V sent me on an orgasmic ride I have never experienced before..
over and over and over.. she wouldn't let me stop.. I was gasping for air, the windows steaming up from the heat off my body.. she refused to let me stop.. orgasm after orgasm..
SO INTENSE.. I was completely exhausted.. COMPLETELY...
and is the way with me.. that orgasmic intensity frees me up inside. I become open and relaxed.. still today.

Rise and falls of orgasmic intensity.. We have hit a rise in intensity again..

Busy-ness

2009-02-15T19:36:00.000-08:00

I haven't said so.. but you could guess by my posts, both v and I have been busy at our respective non-blogging lives, non-phone sex lives.
I would laugh, but it isn't much funny really, ironic maybe. Desire is there, ALWAYS there.

There is even some potential for some real life sex for me.. other than my wife.. BUT.. things don't ever seem to work out with that woman..

Anyway with V, we talk, chat, IM, text.. contact. This past week has been more with our respective daily tensions and such. I know she was feeling a bit frisky last night, I just couldn't get away. TOO much of a watchful eye upon me, no time, no space...
arrrggg

This coming weekend though.. I have some freedom SO....

Some Tao

2009-02-14T07:45:00.000-08:00

From the Tao te Ching 22

various translations of the end:

Be really whole,
And all things will come to you.

or

"Be broken to be whole,"
was that mistaken?

Truly, to be whole
is to return.

or

The ancients said, "Accept and you become whole",
Once whole, the world is as your home.
---------------

Just something to think about today.

What does sex mean to you?

2009-02-12T06:28:00.000-08:00

I don't do those weekly questions. There is one TMI, Tuesday, two much information.
well this week the bonus question was: What does sex mean to you?

I have been thinking about that question all week. One blogger Ms. I wrote this response to the question:

What does sex mean to you?
Sex means pleasure and biology and connection and a natural way of being. I do know that sex is not one thing, but it it many things; like a shape-shifting mirage, perhaps it appears exactly how one needs it to in the moment. Refuge? Yes, it can be that. Relaxation? Sure.

Sex is the participation in the gigantic mosaic of human life. It says to the world--to one's self--I am here. I am breathing. I am alive, and I elect to participate in life. It is nothing more and nothing less than validating one's own humanity.

I was thinking of trying to add to her words. To me I can't add anything eloquent. For me all I can add is...

I want to be totally open, to share what I have inside me..

that is what I want..

I don't want to take something from anybody..

I want to give, give what I have inside.

I want to give pleasure.

I want to connect and co-create pleasure with a lover.

Intimacy

2009-02-09T18:23:00.000-08:00

I was reading on another blog this idea:

If you care about having great sex, then you need to care about intimacy.

It now seems to me, like a 'duh' why of course. Because sex is not just sex, sex is intimacy, sex is being open with the other person, sex is 'sharing your soul'.
Sex, great sex is not about cumming as fast as you can, it is about riding the wave of ecstasy together. Being calm in your mind to share, to be in that orgasmic place and share that with your lover.... being intimate with your lover.

This is what I am learning, this is what I am experiencing with V.

And then...

2009-02-07T07:38:00.000-08:00

Just when I tell myself, ok due to life'e events, things will just be calm for a while, a week or two, then teasing ramps up.
Last night driving back home late, I text V things ramp up quickly, I call, we talk.
How close to home are you? she asks, when are you expected home?
Put the cell phone on speaker, pinch your nipples.. yes harder, HARDER..

Her erotic voice in my ear again, such arousing sounds. her voice in general is so pleasing, but when she slows down, gets softer, gets into erotic mode, my body responds immediately, I instantly get hard, instantly get aroused...

She know EXACTLY what to say, when to say it, how to arouse me like no other person, she know what I need.

After a bit I find a commuter lot.. or should I say "cummuter lot" park next to a big 15 passenger van.. and we get to play for a while.
Very hot, very erotic. She got aroused, I went over the top..
'give me your orgasms' she would say.. then 'say it, say you are giving me your orgasms'
'give me everything, say it' I do, I did. I became lost in an orgasmic frenzy, totally spent, feeling amazing, joyous.
What is amazing about our encounters is it is just phone sex, long distance phone sex. But the words, imagery, her knowing what to tell me to do, to get us both aroused, multiple orgasms.. all of that...

The feelings of arousal and then of the bliss that follows such release, is beyond words. The floating, the tension gone, calmness in my mind and body.

I can always tell if V is feeling good afterwords. She laughs this little laugh. It is so sweet, so erotic actually. I love her post orgasmic laugh!

Everything slowing down

2009-02-05T22:40:00.001-08:00

V has been quite stressed from her work, and is also a bit under the weather. SO everything has slowed down. Arousal, teasing everything. Life intrudes on the sexual all the time so we shouldn't be any different. We still talk most days. The evenings have been comforting for her really. I am glad to be of some comfort to and for her. Being 'of service' can take many forms, and just being there works sometimes.

I actually enjoy the sound of her breath as she falls asleep. I get a feeling like I am just holding her as she her breath changes and she totally relaxes, lets her stresses of her day go, and she goes off to sleep (the past 2 nights).

Maybe the weekend will bring some renewed energy.

Wanting to feel something

2009-02-03T08:03:00.000-08:00

I don't mention my home life much here for a reason. I will just say I don't get a feeling of appreciation, or of fulfillment or of 'feeling something' at home.

I was excited yesterday, some good things happened, not a big deal really, but I was really upbeat, happy, excited. In some people, in me anyway this can translate to being aroused, that good happy energy just goes into arousal and I think of sex and wanting to share that. Well that wasn't happening at home last night.

I texted V a few times, told her of my arousal. BUT a phone call, a phone sex session wasn't going to happen either, too risky last night. Not intended to be arousal and denial, but that what it turned out to be. Last night, and today, this morning, woke up aroused, VERY aroused. Now days I just don't WANT to have an orgasm totally solo. I just don't want it. There is sometimes marital sex, but not very often.
When I feel like I did last night and today, I want to 'feel' V, I want to hear her voice. I was laying awake and I could feel myself dropping into that zone, I could hear V's voice in my head, what she would say. I could ride that edge of orgasm without touching any part of my body, just thought, and erection. I didn't have an orgasm, I wanted one though.
SO today V didn't tell me but I thought the same thing one day last week, so on my own I am wearing a cock ring to work. All day. It reminds me of her, I feel her, feel that arousal for her all the time. This is keeping me on that edge today.

I never know

2009-02-01T09:15:00.000-08:00

I never know how a sexual encounter with V will go. Every time is different. Being phone sex, mind play at its extreme.
There are visual fantasies we play out, some really hot ones we redo like the collar on me in the sex club where V forces me down to give her oral. That one is extremely erotic for me, and for V in the control she has over me.

There are fantasies that just come and go.
Sometimes it is just straight 'sex'. V will say sometimes you need to just be fucked tonight! wow yeah that is hot really hot.

Then there are just her telling me touch that slit on the end of your cock, as she hears my voice change, yes there slower, faster...
There is; touch that place behind your balls.. this is becoming a favorite for both of us. I can achieve multiple orgasms touching that place faster and deeper than any other place. V gets a real treat here, she cums multiple times herself. Sometimes I am so into my own orgasms I don' t realize she has cum. Then there are times I hear her becoming orgasmic, and a few times I have just said 'cum with me' and pow she does.. those are the most erotic times.. usually after I have had many, many orgasms.

We usually end up with me finally cumming, after 20 or so orgasms. BUT not always.

Always different.

Always a joy.

Being whiny

2009-01-29T06:04:00.000-08:00

Yes V said I was whiny last night. She detected frustration in my last post, yes there was I admit it. But when we started talking, I was in a mood, and she wasn't at first, and build up of whinyness developed. We talked, we were in silence, we talked some more, silence some more, then we worked into some very intense sexual release.
I will say last night was the most exhausting time we have ever had. I was totally spent.

Within all of those multiple orgasms, V was able to be with me when I hit some really deep emotional issues. Stuff from way back, growing up, and I will say some of the frustrations with her even. She stayed with me though all of that, was amazing as she always is when I go through these orgasmic emotional bursts..

Trip is over back home. Not sure if I will go home tonight or not though. A lot of family issues, I haven't mentioned on this blog, but that are weighing heavily on my mind. That was part of the clearing out of 'sexual blockages' as V calls it we went through last night. She wanted to do that so in her words I "would be more clear to deal with those issues."

Goddess V is a true gem of a woman (she doesn't like compliments ;)) and from one perspective like a tantric healer, guiding me through these multiple orgasms and clearing out emotional baggage, and things I keep blocked up inside me.

Yes V is a rare jewel of a woman.

How I FEEL

2009-01-28T06:46:00.000-08:00

This won't be about the details of each orgasm or series of orgasms. This is how I feel inside, how all these orgasms make me want to be with V so much.
Her words stir in me such want and desire as I have never felt. The release of internal energies, of internal blockages, of internal anger and pain, makes me feel free inside. I feel free to do and feel and say anything. Post orgasmic glow takes various forms with V, sometimes we fall asleep, sometimes we talk, sometimes we are super energized afterwards and talk for another hour or so.

We grow closer with each passing encounter. How can all of this happen and just be phone sex? It doesn't seem possible. All of this without her physical touch, her physical scent on me, without actually touching her breasts, kissing her full lips. It is happening. Longing and desire grows and grows, like my cock when it gets aroused at the thought of a nightly erotic encounter with her.
Longing and desire fill me. Wearing the cock ring all day yesterday, I would feel it, then think of her, think that I was doing this for her, because she wanted me to this. To serve her.

I want to be with her physically SO much, she knows, I tell her most every time. She can read, comment and even post here, there are no secrets between us really. We are totally open with each other. Yet, she is like a phantom sometimes, just out of reach of my fingers. I stretch and stretch, and she is almost there, BUT.. then a breeze and the wisp of her is gone.

In one sense this is the ultimate tease and denial. It drives me crazy sometimes. She has her reasons for not wanting to meet at the moment. I am patient. I am very patient. When will she 'be ready'? My longing for her touch, for her soft hands to touch me, for her soft kiss on my lips grows with each passing day, with encounters like this week in a motel, where we have all this free time to be together with me being in the hotel.

This came out last night, intensely, loudly during a long, long orgasmic release V sent me into. If there are people in the next rooms they know too. My Goddess V knows (like Santa Knows what toy you REALLY want for Christmas) what I want.
Meeting has to be on her terms, in her time, I know that, still....

Constant Arousal

2009-01-27T11:49:00.000-08:00

On a business trip. This allows daily, totally, relaxed phone conversations with Goddess V. Just talking sometimes about each of our daily lives, daily problems, just normal conversation. Listening, just listening.

This time also allows for more amazing phone sex. Amazing couple of hours of phone sex each night. A couple of hours? Yes.
Closeness, we become closer each time, each time is different.

Since V has brought out this multiple orgasm ability in me, it opens up all kinds of scenarios. Last night there was, denial, arousal and denial for a long time, hour or 2(that may not seem like a long time..but). V teasing me, bringing close to orgasm, but I am not allowed to touch anything on my body, not my cock, not my nipples, not the perineum (that spot behind the balls).

Then we went into our minds, well with V's words in my mind I can have an orgasm with just thought. Just a thought of a scenario we have toyed with; a fantasy of me with a collar at a sex club and she pulls on the collar and pulls me down to give her oral pleasure, licking sucking, cleaning up all of her juices, all of this as other people are watching. For some reason this fantasy really turns me on; giving her oral pleasure while being held down by a collar. When I am in this erotic zone( an analogy is when I used to get a runners high, that kind of feeling internally), where it feels real in my head, I can have multiple orgasms with just the thought- JUST THE THOUGHTS of giving V oral pleasure in my mind and I can have an orgasm.

Then later last night V decided to get me aroused, then would hang up the phone, and call me back, I had to have an orgasm on her count to 10. "10, 9, 8... 1 Cum Now" she would say, and I would orgasm.
We did this call and response a number of times, I lost count. Many, many times. Last night left me totally physically spent, exhausted.

Today, and the rest of the week I have wear a cock ring going around this conference. So today, I feel this cock ring all the time. I think of V with every step, at random times when I feel that cock ring. Knowing I am serving her by wearing that cock ring. If somebody had told me 3 months ago I would be doing this, I would have said that is crazy. Now I want it, I want to serve V. I know it gives her pleasure and in that she gives me great pleasure.

There is more to write about all of this.

A trip

2009-01-24T13:11:00.001-08:00

A business trip this next week.
What does that mean? Some freedom. Some freedom to talk to my goddess V without any worry. Some time for us to share more. To become closer.

Some time to be together.

Easier to just edit. There will be another post later. V and I are talking more this week, relaxed, long time, doing different things. So much to write actually, these past 2 days have been amazing.

Last Saturday

2009-01-21T19:09:00.000-08:00

Well due to home life- mine- we had gone almost a full week without phone sex. Of course this was driving me absolutely crazy with desire. Then add the stress of last week on top of that, again on my end.
BUT we had talked every day, V was there for me emotionally, even if it was just 15 minutes on the phone. She is ALWAYS there for me. In times like last week, I realize a LOT. I realize how she cares for me beyond the sex. She cares for me emotionally in a very deep way. She won't necessarily say the words, but her actions tell me how she feels.
Saturday we got together, she told me 'you need release' OMG. We had flirted via text me in a wine bar writing in a journal, she eating pizza and drinking wine until she could get away.
Intense, arousing, mind altering orgasms. Again with my multi-orgasmic mode, she just kept making me orgasm over and over and over. This perineum spot behind my balls, pressing hard, I get in a zone, an orgasmic zone and V just tells me to cum, cum for me now, cum now.. and I keep cumming.. this is so arousing for her, she cums, and as I hear her orgasms I explode even deeper. I got to a point of pure emotion, just raw emotion and I actually started crying it was so intense. V was there, it is ok, I am here she would say. I was able to release all this built up emotion inside WITH my Goddess V's help and direction, with my surrender to her I am able to relax totally, relax emotionally.

She came 3 or 4 times herself, I orgasmed many times, I didn't count and came twice. With this my body feels totally different. This area from my solar plexus to each hip, that triangle area there, relaxes and feels SO good, so at peace. My mind is calm.

We were talking later, this week and V said, "you don't want sex really, you want that emotional connection" I have thought about that, and true, yes I want that emotional connection, but that emotional connection is brought about by the orgasms, by my submitting to her. By as she made me say the last time we had phone sex, by 'serving her'. That is what I want and desire most of all.

Time

2009-01-16T03:02:00.000-08:00

Been busy. I have something to post, but not enough time to write what I want at the moment.
V and I are in a sort of self imposed sesxual-denial phase at the moment, not much arousal because of my life at home, but because there is no sex with the wife, the pressure builds within me. We have talked and will continue to. The last time we had phone sex was amazing and I want to relive that here in the next few days.

Life

2009-01-10T06:22:00.000-08:00

Life's ebbs and flows. V has been working very hard this week. Back to 5 day work week, and some other things she is doing. And she is getting some stress (she calls it frustration) from another source. Our late night meetings(conversations) were cut way back this week. I miss her, I miss the connection we exploded into the past 3 weeks. I miss what happened last saturday morning. I remember THAT vividly. Neither of us can get together this morning.
Last night, we just talked. The issues going on in her life. I just listened. I frustrated her a bit on Thursday night, so last night was for her, totally. I am forgetting her exact words last night, she just wanted comfort, she didn't want me to go, so we just listened to each other breathe.
In being with her last night, a calmness came over both of us it was soothing... I really felt close to her emotionally last night. She just wanted my calmness. I felt she relaxed.

All I could give her last night was my presence, just being there with her on the phone. Being calm.

I adore her.

Some Tantra

2009-01-07T11:06:00.000-08:00

I came across a couple of quotes from a Tantra teacher Laurie Handlers.
You can google her name and get all the references, web site etc.

She says about Tantra:
"If you want a love affair that is sexually electric and truly intimate, you have to begin by unblocking and unleashing the sex force that is already inside you and learning to feel safe expressing it, in whatever way feels right to you. In order to do that, fear and rage and grief – feelings that you’ve learned to resist – have to be acknowledged and cleared out on a regular basis, and that alone can be one heck of a ride."

What I feel I have with V is truly intimate and so very electric.

What V is guiding me, and I am allowing her to do via my multiple orgasms, is exactly what this quote says. V has helped me unblocked my sexual awareness actually. There have been orgasms where fear came up, where sadness came up. And lately, pure joy. I have become as I said in an earlier post, completely vulnerable, and totally safe to express this sexuality to her, I am completely open to V.

Multiple Orgasm Ride

2009-01-04T19:25:00.000-08:00

I have read some about how a man can bring a woman to multiple orgasms, vaginal orgasms that allow her to ride the orgasm for great lengths of time, 10 minutes, 1/2 hour, an hour. For women it logically seems more possible to do this since ejaculation is not usually tied to the orgasm. With me, the orgasm and ejaculation are almost always coincident.
I have mentioned how because of exercises, some yoga, tantra, keigles, meditation and breathing I have had these non ejaculatory orgasms off and on for a few years. Now with V they have become more frequent, then the past 2 or 3 weeks they are now so common, they are my norm now, and when I get in this aroused state, V can just tell me in a firm voice, cum for me, cum NOW, CUM NOW, and I have an orgasm. sometimes it is just that one, but sometimes I can get on a wave, and really ride the orgasm. These orgasms have peaks and valleys, they rise in intensity and fall down a bit.

Saturday morning I had the most incredible ride of my life. For about an hour I think, I had orgasm after orgasm, I rode some for minutes I know. There was one time where V said, stop pushing for it, just relax and let it wash over you, those words, her insight into what was happening to me was amazing over the phone, but I did what she said and the orgasm changed, it softened, I stopped pushing and it literally, washed over me like a wave. And kept coming and coming. I did cum as well, 2 or 3 times, I don' t really know or remember. My cock was uber sensitive, she had me rub the sensitive part, the slit on the front, I wanted to stop, I needed to take a rest, V wouldn't let me, I kept rubbing..I hit this internal state of just pure raw emotion, I was just emotion, it was pure joy.

The fantasy we were playing out was having me tied to a bed, a 4 post bed and she was the one playing with my cock, riding my cock, using my cock for her pleasure. I think she said I was her "fuck toy" and you know, I really liked the idea, I wanted to be her fuck toy. I still want to be her fuck toy.

Now some might say that what we are doing, since it is just 'phone sex' gone wild, isn't the same as real D&S or Tantra. I can't really speak to that since this is my only experience. I do know the fantasies we are playing out, feel real in my head, my orgasms are real, V's arousal is real, her orgasms are real. The way I feel afterward is real.

Goddess V said she would like to get me in this orgasmic state for an entire day. I would be a puddle of a body at the end I am sure. Utterly spent. But you know.... I want that too.

Holiday break- breakthroughs

2009-01-01T16:34:00.000-08:00

Both V and myself off for holidays. New Years week. We get late night talks, late night sex play. I go on errands just I can talk to V, hear her voice, and sex play. V has been getting me more and more into the very long non-ejaculatory orgasms. My orgasms make her very aroused. She has insisted I play with my nipples as well. My left one is sore most of the time. Every times I pinch it, and tell her it hurts, yet this act arouses me, and arouses V even more. I press on the spot behind my balls, that nerve bundle has become a spot orgasmic intensity. With V's encouragement, I can continue my orgasm for what seems like minutes, V would have to say how long these orgasms can last.

With all this time off, all these special times together, all these intense orgasms, I become more open to her, more vulnerable in general when we are talking, I would do anything she asks at this point, knowing now she has my best interest in mind. Such a trust has developed, such openness, even a oneness between us.

The past week our 'relationship' has grown, it grows with each encounter, it deepens with each encounter. I am still amazed at what is happening to me with V.

Tantric Goddess V has lead me to a place of emotional release, of freedom.

Yoga, Meditation, submission and Tantra

2008-12-30T19:19:00.000-08:00

I meditate most days, with some gaps for over 30 years. I have a yoga practice that is at this point occasional, BUT I have been doing yoga for over 25 years.
My tantra explorations are reading, breathing and some other exercises for 10 or 15 years. I have been 'submitting' to Goddess V for less than a year, it is hard to put an exact time on when the 'submitting' started, but the past month or so we started calling it 'submitting'.
I received my Yoga Journal in the mail today, the February issue (in December??) In an article by Sally Kempton she says:
Yoga after all, is not an escape from life but a way of taking yourself into life's pulsating heart. It will in inevitably lead you to your own vulnerability, to your raw places. But vulnerability also opens the door to love, grace and the deepest forms of healing. Your vulnerability , scary as it can be, is inseparable from your capacity for intimacy and creativity and love.

I quote this article because V had taken me to these 'raw' and 'vulnerable' places.
With the multiple orgasms I can achieve at V's command really, I get SO open, V has even said the past week, she wanted me 'raw' a 'pool of emotion'. Last night was one of the most raw, vulnerable places I have ever been. I am still recovering actually. V was with me, be it on the phone, but she was there, my continual orgasms aroused her so much, she came hard, very hard. We weren't doing yoga, as defined, we weren't doing meditation, as defined, we were doing our version of tantra and submission yet, when I read this article I recognized exactly what happened, what I felt inside. Raw emotion, vulnerable.

Our experiences grow, and grow get more deep.

Emotion

2008-12-30T11:31:00.000-08:00

Emotions and sex. Merlin has a post that really speaks to me. I can feel what he feels. His writing goes right to the point, right to center of the feeling. The frustrations of my marriage, sexually and emotionally, the growing apart has led to this blog, led to me finding V, led to me opening up to V in ways I don't and can't to my wife.
My relationship with V even though at this point is not physical is very emotional, very open, very fulfilling for me. This time with V exploring ideas, fantasies, my body, her response to my arousal, my wanting to serve her in a personal way, is new to me, exciting to me in a way that I find I can't really put into exact words. Emotions don't always translate directly into words.

My feelings for today are of V, how she has transformed me into this new person, or as she told me one time "the passion has always been with you, and little to do with me". V told me that last summer, she is partly right, the passion is within me, but she DID bring it out. Maybe she felt that at that time, I think she knows what she is doing to me, bringing out in me now. The emotions that are surfacing in our sexual time together.
I do miss her when we are not talking, texting, my thoughts flow to the sound of her voice, the words she speaks into my ears.
Always remembering.

Amazing occurances

2008-12-29T08:03:00.001-08:00

Something exciting, something beyond erotic has happened between V and me.
The more I give my self to her, sexually, the more I open up, the more I want her.

The passion of this weekend is really beyond words. After Friday night, and all that passion released, there was Saturday morning. I was going out of town for the day, but had to talk to her. We did, we did get passionate, very much so. There was one orgasm where where she was pushing me to keep going, keep going, I was falling, then I heard her orgasm, she was gasping for me to keep going as she came hard, I let go into this place, visually, a blueish galaxy of blueish stars, spreading out, all there was in my world at that moment was V's voice, my orgasm, her orgasm.. words can't put the description on how I felt.

Sunday morning my thoughts were of her. I was trying to calm my body down. I was doing my morning meditation. I do a mantra meditation, but the mind wanders, and it was wandering to the orgasm I mentioned above. I was there again in my head, and out of the utter calm of my meditating mind, came a sharp burst of orgasmic intensity. VERY intense, but short, a jolt to my calm body. I wasn't touching anything, it was a remembered state, just thought triggered this orgasm. Then again later brushing my teeth of all things, I was thinking how could we do that in person, body positions..
V on top, me inside her, she whispering in my ear like she did on the phone, except this time I say back to her, come with me.. I had something like an orgasm again with just thought, it literally, sent me to my knees there in the bathroom.
Then I had a vision of holding V around the waste, breathing hard, taking in her scent hugging her hips.

It is amazing what the mind can do, when you just let go.
V allows me to let go, she pushes me to let go. And when she does, and when I do what she says, amazing things happen.

A Woman's Perspective

2008-12-27T13:18:00.000-08:00

I asked Rogue if I could do a guest post on his blog but he did one better and enabled me to contribute to his blog! This could become very interesting. Hee hee.

Sometime this week I had a conversation with a good friend whose marriage is in trouble. She and her husband have been married for about five years and things aren't going so well. In her words, she feels like his mother and is overwhelmed. Quick summary: She does everything in the home as far as cleaning, laundry, cooking, etc. She will cook dinner and serve his plate and bring his plate to him (He never expected this, this was the tone she chose to set.) There is no sex at this point and things have resorted to ugly words and hurt feelings on both sides.

I was not sure how to approach this but I took a chance. I explained how relationships are constantly evolving and that perhaps they were going at it the wrong way for them. I asked her why they do not split up the chores or take turns so she does not feel so stressed. She does not trust how he would do those things. Hmm.

Well, if you feel like a man's mother and you give off the impression that you do not trust him to do household tasks he will react like a frustrated teenager and will feel useless.

Women need to feel like women and men need to feel like men. Men like to feel as if they are useful and can do things. When you take that away from them, then it makes them frustrated and they will either shut down or explode. Women have this insane need to show to the world that they can do everything. This only leads to stress, frustration, and resentment.

Rogue and I have a different kind of relationship because of distance and other issues. However, we still enjoy exploring how we can in other ways. I gave him a fantasy task to do which he can go into more detail late, but essentially it was for him to find a way to serve me after I had spent a day out with the girls doing lunch and what not. He was so excited at such a simple task. It was still about serving me but he was able to have that control over what he did. He had the power to serve me in whatever capacity he felt appropriate for this first time.

There are similar parallels between this and my friend's situation. She has to let him in on certain aspects of the household chores and not hover or critique his efforts. Women do not realize that sometimes recognizing the effort the man makes is a big ego booster for men. A nice little circle will eventually develop: The man does something with the woman in mind (cleaning, dinner, drawing a bath), the woman recognizes and appreciates, the man feels like a man, and the woman will have a desire to do more for her man. This could work in both vanilla and non-vanilla relationships.

Back to my friend, when I asked her what her how she would feel if her husband had a simple dinner of bagged salad, cut up fruit, wine, and candles for her when she came home she had a huge smile on her face. She said she would want to hug him and kiss him. She saw my point. His best friend is also my best friend and has a good understanding of what I am talking about so that is the route we will try and pursue.

Friday night

2008-12-27T10:01:00.000-08:00

There was an amazing amount of teasing, and flirting Friday. We talked in the morning, then flirted most of the day, either via IM or texting. She gave me a task ( I will post that later here) it had to do with service to her. She was pleased! :) I wanted to please, and was successful. Flirting, but we couldn't make the call, my kids were around, wife still up. Then kids wanted to watch a movie.. Beauty and the Beast, they pulled out the old VHS from when they were younger. I was getting frustrated. I told V, she goes, oh stop being grumpy, I think I will watch it. I was upstairs reading, the kids were laughing... ok, ok I will go join in and watch.
I tell V, she texts back Yay! so watching the movie and there is this one line after Beast has fallen for Belle, where he says to his servant "I want to do something for her" WOW I noticed, V texted me and said did you notice that line. I said yes, I thought of you!
So cosmic, an entire review of the movie could be based on service of Beast to Bell once he falls for her.
Kids go off to bed, except oldest son, he is hanging around, up late.
It took into the wee hours before son was out and V and I could connect.
We did, we explored multiple orgasms again, and again, and again. I lost track again how many times I had an orgasm, she came hard twice as I remember. Her last time while I was in the middle of this long orgasm, like I posted before rubbing my pernium spot behind my balls. V was telling me to keep cumming, keep it up.. she came.. HARD and kept me cumming. It was amazing. During the orgasm when we were cumming at the same time.. I felt I fell into her orgasm, all kinds of lights went off and I felt like we merged for a bit.
Last night was amazing.

Arousing

2008-12-26T11:09:00.000-08:00

V arouses me like no other woman, EVER.
Her words in my hears, her texts on my phone, even her IM's about random things, life in general.
Her being arouses me.
But most of all her voice.
We couldn't talk yesterday, or last night. We were texting, she was teasing. I was waiting for kids to go to bed. They were up last, watching movies, just not giving dad any private space!
V was aroused, I was aroused.
She then sends me a pic on my phone. Nothing overtly sexual, not nude...
but the cleavage, the suggestion of what was underneath... OMG I had to go to bed to sleep thinking of her and not be fulfilled, not satisfied sexually, no orgasms. Not intended to be denial, it just worked out that way.
We did talk some this morning, mostly about some drama in her extended family. We did get to talk though. Hopefully we can get for a longer conversation later tonight.
Hopefully.

Serving?

2008-12-24T11:43:00.000-08:00

V and I texted, IM'd and talked some more this morning.

The idea doing something for the lover, for her. She mentioned some things that would make her feel served. Making her dinner, some other things I won't mention, shaving her, applying lotion. When she was telling me these things, I got aroused, hard. Just thinking of doing something for her, doing, serving really some things that may or may not be arousing to her, and not in a seductive way by me. I wouldn't be doing these things to get sex, just because she liked them and maybe aroused her. Her response in an appreciative way WOULD be to give me what I wanted and that is sex.

The concept is not new to me, but in this context it is very arousing to me.

Distance complicates the matter, physical distance makes actually doing these things impossible, which on one level makes me sad because I would love to do them for her. Serve her in some way special, do some special for her, just to make her happy, just to make her feel good, just to make her smile. I want to do that something for her, to serve her.

Release from Denial

2008-12-24T07:42:00.000-08:00

I had a feeling there would be release. Not likely to talk for a few days. She had hinted at it the previous night, but was sick.

So after my post last night.
More flirting texts, some flirting IM's.
I IM'd V... I am getting a blanket and heading to the sofa..
give me a couple of minutes she said..

I can detect erotic feelings in V's voice. I knew she was up to something special last night.

I have mentioned before I have worked on this ability to have an orgasm without 'cumming' or ejaculating. V takes this ability and is able to make me have an orgasm on demand. I have to be in an aroused state. It is like she has me hypnotized really.
We having some erotic talk, and out of nowhere she says.. 'Come NOW, NOW' damn I came. My body responds to her words so fast, I wasn't prepared for that orgasm, I didn't trigger it, SHE did. That was the first one. There were many. V said she stopped counting at 7. There must have been 15 orgasms. This is her idea, to give me all of these orgasms. I would love to give her 15 20 orgasms like she gives me.. and I can do it, I have done it to other women in the past.... BUT V says my orgasms make her wet, aroused. She said she hadn't touched herself and she had soaked herself and her sheets... OMG saying that got me hard as well.. I had to orgasm knowing how wet I was making her...

My tantric goddess V has had me stimulate the perineum a spot between the balls and the anus. It took a few tries for me to locate the spot.. a bundle of nerves, that is NOW a trigger for orgasm. with little stimulation I can orgasms quite easily.
V will have me touch that spot alone or in combination with nipple pinching, or stroking the head of my cock. IT ALL works. It all works. Last night one time even I had an orgasm from just pinching my nipples. I was blown away. This was way into the orgasmic frenzy I was into last night. I was riding that orgasm trigger anyway, but it felt good and very powerful.

After many orgasms V had me stimulating the perineum, told me to "CUM NOW, CUM hard" this was powerful, she said "don't stop, keep cumming, don't stop" I came and came and came.. It unblocked SO many internal help emotions, deep long held in my body emotions, raw, very raw.. I was curled in a ball, I felt helpless, just her voice and my orgasm that was in her control, I had given my orgasm to her, for her pleasure, and she was using it to clear me out, to make me a puddle of helpless man. At one point I remember I was almost crying, and I said, "hold me, just hold me V", she kept saying 'its ok, its ok' I don't know how long the orgasm lasted, I do know it took me several minutes to recover, mentally and emotionally. I was at that point in emotion, raw, totally open to her. She wanted to know what I felt, I told her exactly how I felt in that moment about her, everything. We talked for a while, and I was getting aroused again, I wanted to cum this time, not just an orgasm, but a blow out orgasm, she said I need to want it more, we rode this deep desire, her desire peaking, I could tell she was getting very close to an orgasm... and when she said cum now, cum for me... I did.. a very long deep, gushing orgasm, my orgasm went on after I stopped cumming, it went on and on in a wave.

Last night was so amazing, totally spent, soaked in sweat, emotionally free, totally enraptured with V, totally submitted to her. I still feel SO GOOD this morning. My words can't convey how good I feel at the moment, or how good it was last night.

V can be forceful, demanding, but she has this very tender side, this caring side that totally captures me.

I am hers, and she knows it.

side note
another thing we have not done, but is out there to do:
male g spot

More tease?

2008-12-23T20:21:00.000-08:00

I mentioned the emails yesterday about the denial I was going through yesterday.

Later last night we texted and said, hhmm and here I was going to let you cum tonight. I called her in like 10 seconds.
She had a cold.. a BAD cold..
we talked but the arousal wasn't there. I mean she was in bad shape.
I let her fall asleep, it was fine actually. I like to hear her sleep.

Well today was another same thing from wife day, well after fight with wife. No talking. I had shopping to do.. I was out of the house, not knowing when I would get home.
Traffic, damn traffic. I text V, she is at work, but we talk for a few minutes, her voice MUCH improved. She said she would be up tonight. Maybe we could get together..
oh, boy...
well, kids around etc.. she then texts me and says, what good is denial without some teasing?... I am like YEAH.. I get denial from my wife all the damn time..
wow a flurry of texts.. with 2 boys.. they are both in college and wife in the room.. damn talk about on the edge there.. boys must know something is going on.. wife just occupies herself in her book...

so here we are.. will the boys go to bed? will I get off the denial tonight?
at least there is arousal now!

The intensity of today's feelins with denial

2008-12-22T16:43:00.000-08:00

This morning-- I wrote V some in emails--

There was a lot of just piled up frustration. It got all mixed in my head. I was aroused upon waking, then other things happened. Deep frustration. Getting it out in an email to V helped a lot, just writing that email to her getting the frustrations solid out of my head, then I remembered to breathe.. I have been doing like a meditation breathing all day.. breathe in down the front of my body into my 'balls' then breathe out back up my spine to my head. Sometimes I clenched my pelvic floor, (in other words did my keigle, contract the pc muscle). Channeling that sexual charged energy throughout my body.

V sent me a text telling me she had sent an email response. I read later read that and it made me feel SO good...
Part of what she said was "be patient...and know that i do have your best interests at heart...and when you do cum...it will be all that more powerful...it is what i want..."

that was powerful, very powerful, V knows exactly what to say to me, and I DO know she has my best interests at heart, I do know that, remembering that in times of frustration is what today seems to be about, and remembering to breathe.

I am walking around with this sexual energy flowing through my entire body, pulsating, desire...
While driving around and listening to music and just breathing I touched my trigger point for orgasm many times today. I have not had an orgasm, I am controlling it, but I can touch it at a moments notice, I am riding a wave today..

Why a Rogue

2008-12-22T07:29:00.000-08:00

Why do I call myself a Rogue?

from this Company Rogue Ales
we get this list of qualities of a Rogue:

• Rogues take risks.
• Rogues are willing to shun titles and personal financial success in the
pursuit of the greater good.
• Rogues pursue the long shot.
• Rogues have respect for diversity.
• Rogues are never satisfied to rest on past laurels.
• Rogues work hard.
• Rogues are driven to succeed in their chosen field.
• Rogues ignore the accepted patterns and blaze their own trails.
• Rogues have raw talent and focus on that talent.
• Rogues are honest with themselves and others.
• Rogues are rebels.
• Rogues have one foot in reality to let them get the job done, but they are, nonetheless, led by their dreams.

A beer company I know, are you serious you ask?

Just read what this philosophy says and you will understand a little more of me. I take information, from many sources, all sources and use what I feel works for me, I am a rebel at heart, I take risks, I am in essence led my dreams. With respect to sexual aspects of Tantra and D&S I am doing this: ignore the accepted patterns and blaze their own trails. All of this with the help and support of my Tantric Goddess V. Without her none of what has happened would have happened the way it has.

Current progress with V

2008-12-22T07:06:00.000-08:00

V thinks I should experience some denial. So I have not had an orgasm with her since Friday night. I did have sex with my wife Saturday morning. It was strange, in that I was wondering if I could even get hard after Friday nights orgasmic blow out with V. But I did, wife was horny. I got hard, I could feel inside me I couldn't cum, but I could feel that trigger point for the orgasm. I had 4 or 5 orgasms with her, but wife is pretty silent, not very emotional in bed. So I had orgasms, but they were not fulfilling in the least. They just made me more aroused.
As this blog develops I will list some other sources Taoist mainly, Mantick Chia and some others who explain the non-ejaculatory orgasms, and how with a man has them his arousal stays, even grows stronger.

Ok so back to V. We have talked and teased, talked about this blog, talked about what how our relationship has grown the past 2 weeks into what it is now. It is very erotic to put this out for the world to see, in her words "give people a peek in our bedroom". That was quite erotic when she said that and I write this.

Last night we talked, I was really pumped up, even though she had said no, you will have to wait, no orgasms for you. Still I wanted one, I wanted one desperately. BUT like I said I have given control of my orgasms to her. So last night.. after much talking teasing she was aroused, she was not going to allow me to cum or orgasm, I did want to just hear her orgasm, that would be good, that would be something.
So I got to hear a powerful orgasm of V's, as she described the scene of her pleasuring herself and me just watching, and me on the phone moaning with desire and passion to cum, that ramped her arousal into her orgasm.

This morning I get a different feeling; frustration, coupled with arousal. A bit of anger in there as well. I want an affair, emotional and physical BECAUSE of the lack of sex and emotional connection with wife. To get denial from V as well is aaarrrg, so frustrating. I am working through this. I am doing a LOT of breathing today, at this moment actually to keep the frustration down.

Tantric Journey

2008-12-21T15:30:00.000-08:00

I was talking to V this morning about this blog and she suggested a web page that asked the questions I was asking.

Tantric Journey

check it out.
the questions they ask are:

1)Have you ever felt incomplete during sex because your partner has already "landed" before you have even had a chance to "take off"?

2)Have you ever glimpsed an ecstatic moment in love and later felt that you did not know the way back?

3)Have you ever wished to be touched at the core of your being, yet felt afraid to open your self up and be vulnerable?

4) Have you ever felt bored with sex in a long-term relationship and found yourself wishing you could capture the passion that used to make sex between you so exciting?

5)Whilst making love or just afterwords, have you ever wondered: Isn't there more to sex, than this?

I have felt with V incredible pleasure, giving, wanting her pleasure. With her help this this week, by giving control of my orgasms to her I became multi-orgasmic.
More specifically multi-orgasmic on command, at will. This is simple really but it goes deep. A lot of trust involved. This trust is earned or develops over time. We have it. I gave control to her and her intention was to make me cum over and over and over. I had experienced non-ejaculatory orgasms before(being multi-orgasmimc). Both with V and with my wife. But this past week, she could feel something in my voice, and she pushed me to a point where I completely let go into her into her words and experienced some release of deep emotions, orgasm after orgasm. This is the way sex should be.

Beginnings- First Post

2008-12-21T13:54:00.000-08:00

This is the start of exploring my journey through Tantra and D&S. I will use more tantra terms and ideas, but I am also beginning to experience some incredible sexual fulfillment as a 'sub' to my tantric goddess V.

About me:

1- Married for a long time. Sexually unfilled as my wife and I have grown apart sexually. I am not actively seeking a divorce, there are reasons, but that is a possibility.
2- I have read, studied tantra for years. I have been doing yoga for 20+ years. I have been meditating for longer.
3- I have had numerous emotional affairs via the internet. Emotional in that I have met 2 women in person over the years of the many I have had 'phone sex' with.
4- My latest emotional affair is with V. I will call her V most of the time, she will comment on this blog as well.
5- With V we have explored a lot of sexual experiences, long distance, on the phone mostly. We have not met in person.
6- V is more of a dominant person in the sexual relationship. We are exploring for her and for me the D&S philosophy. She is the more dominant one in our 'sexual' encounters.
7- Recently, and as I write this I mean this past week we have reached such new heights of sexual arousal that I need a way to get more feedback and write about my experiences.

I have become multi-orgasmic upon her direction at will
6 or more orgasms for me, at times V just saying to me 'cum now'
My arousal, my orgasms are such a turn on to V she is experiencing something new to her
I trust V completely