Being whiny

Yes V said I was whiny last night. She detected frustration in my last post, yes there was I admit it. But when we started talking, I was in a mood, and she wasn't at first, and build up of whinyness developed. We talked, we were in silence, we talked some more, silence some more, then we worked into some very intense sexual release.
I will say last night was the most exhausting time we have ever had. I was totally spent.

Within all of those multiple orgasms, V was able to be with me when I hit some really deep emotional issues. Stuff from way back, growing up, and I will say some of the frustrations with her even. She stayed with me though all of that, was amazing as she always is when I go through these orgasmic emotional bursts..

Trip is over back home. Not sure if I will go home tonight or not though. A lot of family issues, I haven't mentioned on this blog, but that are weighing heavily on my mind. That was part of the clearing out of 'sexual blockages' as V calls it we went through last night. She wanted to do that so in her words I "would be more clear to deal with those issues."

Goddess V is a true gem of a woman (she doesn't like compliments ;)) and from one perspective like a tantric healer, guiding me through these multiple orgasms and clearing out emotional baggage, and things I keep blocked up inside me.

Yes V is a rare jewel of a woman.

How I FEEL

This won't be about the details of each orgasm or series of orgasms. This is how I feel inside, how all these orgasms make me want to be with V so much.
Her words stir in me such want and desire as I have never felt. The release of internal energies, of internal blockages, of internal anger and pain, makes me feel free inside. I feel free to do and feel and say anything. Post orgasmic glow takes various forms with V, sometimes we fall asleep, sometimes we talk, sometimes we are super energized afterwards and talk for another hour or so.

We grow closer with each passing encounter. How can all of this happen and just be phone sex? It doesn't seem possible. All of this without her physical touch, her physical scent on me, without actually touching her breasts, kissing her full lips. It is happening. Longing and desire grows and grows, like my cock when it gets aroused at the thought of a nightly erotic encounter with her.
Longing and desire fill me. Wearing the cock ring all day yesterday, I would feel it, then think of her, think that I was doing this for her, because she wanted me to this. To serve her.

I want to be with her physically SO much, she knows, I tell her most every time. She can read, comment and even post here, there are no secrets between us really. We are totally open with each other. Yet, she is like a phantom sometimes, just out of reach of my fingers. I stretch and stretch, and she is almost there, BUT.. then a breeze and the wisp of her is gone.

In one sense this is the ultimate tease and denial. It drives me crazy sometimes. She has her reasons for not wanting to meet at the moment. I am patient. I am very patient. When will she 'be ready'? My longing for her touch, for her soft hands to touch me, for her soft kiss on my lips grows with each passing day, with encounters like this week in a motel, where we have all this free time to be together with me being in the hotel.

This came out last night, intensely, loudly during a long, long orgasmic release V sent me into. If there are people in the next rooms they know too. My Goddess V knows (like Santa Knows what toy you REALLY want for Christmas) what I want.
Meeting has to be on her terms, in her time, I know that, still....

Constant Arousal

On a business trip. This allows daily, totally, relaxed phone conversations with Goddess V. Just talking sometimes about each of our daily lives, daily problems, just normal conversation. Listening, just listening.

This time also allows for more amazing phone sex. Amazing couple of hours of phone sex each night. A couple of hours? Yes.
Closeness, we become closer each time, each time is different.

Since V has brought out this multiple orgasm ability in me, it opens up all kinds of scenarios. Last night there was, denial, arousal and denial for a long time, hour or 2(that may not seem like a long time..but). V teasing me, bringing close to orgasm, but I am not allowed to touch anything on my body, not my cock, not my nipples, not the perineum (that spot behind the balls).


Then we went into our minds, well with V's words in my mind I can have an orgasm with just thought. Just a thought of a scenario we have toyed with; a fantasy of me with a collar at a sex club and she pulls on the collar and pulls me down to give her oral pleasure, licking sucking, cleaning up all of her juices, all of this as other people are watching. For some reason this fantasy really turns me on; giving her oral pleasure while being held down by a collar. When I am in this erotic zone( an analogy is when I used to get a runners high, that kind of feeling internally), where it feels real in my head, I can have multiple orgasms with just the thought- JUST THE THOUGHTS of giving V oral pleasure in my mind and I can have an orgasm.

Then later last night V decided to get me aroused, then would hang up the phone, and call me back, I had to have an orgasm on her count to 10. "10, 9, 8... 1 Cum Now" she would say, and I would orgasm.
We did this call and response a number of times, I lost count. Many, many times. Last night left me totally physically spent, exhausted.

Today, and the rest of the week I have wear a cock ring going around this conference. So today, I feel this cock ring all the time. I think of V with every step, at random times when I feel that cock ring. Knowing I am serving her by wearing that cock ring. If somebody had told me 3 months ago I would be doing this, I would have said that is crazy. Now I want it, I want to serve V. I know it gives her pleasure and in that she gives me great pleasure.

There is more to write about all of this.

A trip

A business trip this next week.
What does that mean? Some freedom. Some freedom to talk to my goddess V without any worry. Some time for us to share more. To become closer.

Some time to be together.

Easier to just edit. There will be another post later. V and I are talking more this week, relaxed, long time, doing different things. So much to write actually, these past 2 days have been amazing.

Last Saturday

Well due to home life- mine- we had gone almost a full week without phone sex. Of course this was driving me absolutely crazy with desire. Then add the stress of last week on top of that, again on my end.
BUT we had talked every day, V was there for me emotionally, even if it was just 15 minutes on the phone. She is ALWAYS there for me. In times like last week, I realize a LOT. I realize how she cares for me beyond the sex. She cares for me emotionally in a very deep way. She won't necessarily say the words, but her actions tell me how she feels.
Saturday we got together, she told me 'you need release' OMG. We had flirted via text me in a wine bar writing in a journal, she eating pizza and drinking wine until she could get away.
Intense, arousing, mind altering orgasms. Again with my multi-orgasmic mode, she just kept making me orgasm over and over and over. This perineum spot behind my balls, pressing hard, I get in a zone, an orgasmic zone and V just tells me to cum, cum for me now, cum now.. and I keep cumming.. this is so arousing for her, she cums, and as I hear her orgasms I explode even deeper. I got to a point of pure emotion, just raw emotion and I actually started crying it was so intense. V was there, it is ok, I am here she would say. I was able to release all this built up emotion inside WITH my Goddess V's help and direction, with my surrender to her I am able to relax totally, relax emotionally.

She came 3 or 4 times herself, I orgasmed many times, I didn't count and came twice. With this my body feels totally different. This area from my solar plexus to each hip, that triangle area there, relaxes and feels SO good, so at peace. My mind is calm.

We were talking later, this week and V said, "you don't want sex really, you want that emotional connection" I have thought about that, and true, yes I want that emotional connection, but that emotional connection is brought about by the orgasms, by my submitting to her. By as she made me say the last time we had phone sex, by 'serving her'. That is what I want and desire most of all.

Time

Been busy. I have something to post, but not enough time to write what I want at the moment.
V and I are in a sort of self imposed sesxual-denial phase at the moment, not much arousal because of my life at home, but because there is no sex with the wife, the pressure builds within me. We have talked and will continue to. The last time we had phone sex was amazing and I want to relive that here in the next few days.

Life

Life's ebbs and flows. V has been working very hard this week. Back to 5 day work week, and some other things she is doing. And she is getting some stress (she calls it frustration) from another source. Our late night meetings(conversations) were cut way back this week. I miss her, I miss the connection we exploded into the past 3 weeks. I miss what happened last saturday morning. I remember THAT vividly. Neither of us can get together this morning.
Last night, we just talked. The issues going on in her life. I just listened. I frustrated her a bit on Thursday night, so last night was for her, totally. I am forgetting her exact words last night, she just wanted comfort, she didn't want me to go, so we just listened to each other breathe.
In being with her last night, a calmness came over both of us it was soothing... I really felt close to her emotionally last night. She just wanted my calmness. I felt she relaxed.

All I could give her last night was my presence, just being there with her on the phone. Being calm.

I adore her.

Some Tantra

I came across a couple of quotes from a Tantra teacher Laurie Handlers.
You can google her name and get all the references, web site etc.

She says about Tantra:
"If you want a love affair that is sexually electric and truly intimate, you have to begin by unblocking and unleashing the sex force that is already inside you and learning to feel safe expressing it, in whatever way feels right to you. In order to do that, fear and rage and grief – feelings that you’ve learned to resist – have to be acknowledged and cleared out on a regular basis, and that alone can be one heck of a ride."

What I feel I have with V is truly intimate and so very electric.

What V is guiding me, and I am allowing her to do via my multiple orgasms, is exactly what this quote says. V has helped me unblocked my sexual awareness actually. There have been orgasms where fear came up, where sadness came up. And lately, pure joy. I have become as I said in an earlier post, completely vulnerable, and totally safe to express this sexuality to her, I am completely open to V.

Multiple Orgasm Ride

I have read some about how a man can bring a woman to multiple orgasms, vaginal orgasms that allow her to ride the orgasm for great lengths of time, 10 minutes, 1/2 hour, an hour. For women it logically seems more possible to do this since ejaculation is not usually tied to the orgasm. With me, the orgasm and ejaculation are almost always coincident.
I have mentioned how because of exercises, some yoga, tantra, keigles, meditation and breathing I have had these non ejaculatory orgasms off and on for a few years. Now with V they have become more frequent, then the past 2 or 3 weeks they are now so common, they are my norm now, and when I get in this aroused state, V can just tell me in a firm voice, cum for me, cum NOW, CUM NOW, and I have an orgasm. sometimes it is just that one, but sometimes I can get on a wave, and really ride the orgasm. These orgasms have peaks and valleys, they rise in intensity and fall down a bit.

Saturday morning I had the most incredible ride of my life. For about an hour I think, I had orgasm after orgasm, I rode some for minutes I know. There was one time where V said, stop pushing for it, just relax and let it wash over you, those words, her insight into what was happening to me was amazing over the phone, but I did what she said and the orgasm changed, it softened, I stopped pushing and it literally, washed over me like a wave. And kept coming and coming. I did cum as well, 2 or 3 times, I don' t really know or remember. My cock was uber sensitive, she had me rub the sensitive part, the slit on the front, I wanted to stop, I needed to take a rest, V wouldn't let me, I kept rubbing..I hit this internal state of just pure raw emotion, I was just emotion, it was pure joy.

The fantasy we were playing out was having me tied to a bed, a 4 post bed and she was the one playing with my cock, riding my cock, using my cock for her pleasure. I think she said I was her "fuck toy" and you know, I really liked the idea, I wanted to be her fuck toy. I still want to be her fuck toy.

Now some might say that what we are doing, since it is just 'phone sex' gone wild, isn't the same as real D&S or Tantra. I can't really speak to that since this is my only experience. I do know the fantasies we are playing out, feel real in my head, my orgasms are real, V's arousal is real, her orgasms are real. The way I feel afterward is real.

Goddess V said she would like to get me in this orgasmic state for an entire day. I would be a puddle of a body at the end I am sure. Utterly spent. But you know.... I want that too.

Holiday break- breakthroughs

Both V and myself off for holidays. New Years week. We get late night talks, late night sex play. I go on errands just I can talk to V, hear her voice, and sex play. V has been getting me more and more into the very long non-ejaculatory orgasms. My orgasms make her very aroused. She has insisted I play with my nipples as well. My left one is sore most of the time. Every times I pinch it, and tell her it hurts, yet this act arouses me, and arouses V even more. I press on the spot behind my balls, that nerve bundle has become a spot orgasmic intensity. With V's encouragement, I can continue my orgasm for what seems like minutes, V would have to say how long these orgasms can last.

With all this time off, all these special times together, all these intense orgasms, I become more open to her, more vulnerable in general when we are talking, I would do anything she asks at this point, knowing now she has my best interest in mind. Such a trust has developed, such openness, even a oneness between us.

The past week our 'relationship' has grown, it grows with each encounter, it deepens with each encounter. I am still amazed at what is happening to me with V.

Tantric Goddess V has lead me to a place of emotional release, of freedom.