My Tantra Journey

The blog is still here.

This blog is well hidden.

My Journey is at a standstill.

We don't talk much anymore. Conditions on my end more than hers.

There is a deep longing in me to continue. It surfaces from time to time.

Conversations occur occasionally, sporadically, enough to keep the ember of desire glowing ever so slightly.

Occasional Incredible Orgasms

Well time apart can sometimes just lead to incredible intense orgasms. I think it had been a few months since I has talked with V. We had a change to catch up last week. And some intense 'play' followed. Her voice and her way with me, just brings me intense pleasure.
Just words and visions. My mind explodes waves of orgasmic release. She is the only one I can seem to get my own multiple orgasms with. Now for a guy this does take some practice, that ability to have an orgasm with out the volcano erupting ;) , but with her it is easy for me to do. I get to a 'place' and it really just takes her telling me "cum now" and I do.

My tantra journey

Well, like I said last week, my tantra journey with V is on hold really.
there was a just miss contact last week. :(

SO my tantra journey has taken a turn.
More meditation.
Daily now.

I had dropped off for a while, with just me not making the time to do it.

then I read something:

'Mindfullness is just a work without meditation'

wow that really shocked me back into awareness of the need, the desire to meditate.

then with awareness and meditation I become more aware of my sexual desires, where I want to go. or just aware of the desire inside me.

does that make any sense?

LONG TIME

Long time no post huh?

what is up with me and my muse....

well once we were 'found out' things had to come to a screeching halt for a while.
contact now is minimal, sort of my choice. Not what I want really, but what I am doing at the moment.

I don't get much traffic here since I don't post, but I have nothing of a sexual nature to post about really. Sex with wife is pretty vanilla....

Like last night for instance... when she is putting an ice bag on her pussy
I am like
what are you doing?

she says well she feels something coming on, it feels tight like she has to pee, and she is trying to relax the muscles... In NO mood for anything frisky....

Putting ice on her pussy....
there is a metaphor in there as well...

Some flirting

More contact...
some flirting..
unable to talk because of my situation.

But flirting again

:D

Times Changing

I last posted in June. A lot has happened in my life. NOT much of it with V actually.
I some LONG trips this summer and we were able to connect for a month.
I do miss her so. I miss the connection we had. Daily connection via phone or email.
NOW weekly at best emails. We haven't talked in a long time.
I miss her voice so much.
It had just been a long times since a post and I wanted to say SOMETHING here.
I even took a tour of links on the side over to the right.
Like my last post, I cannot do any such surfing at work any longer.
Nice to read familiar 'voices'. Written words are the voice of the writer. Glimpses into the world of the writer. This morning has been a rush of emotions.

I will write again soon

ARRRGGG

Filters
yes filters at work. BIG BROTHER has put up filters at work so I cannot go to some web sites that contain specific words. Much like George Carlin's 7 words I am noticing.

SO if I am not commenting on your page, it is because I can't even view it from work.

sometimes the blocking page will say 'why' I can't view some pages...

these are the words I have seen so far as to why certian web pages will not show up..

sex, lingerie, swim suits, nudity
BIG BROTHER is watching.

It always gets better

V and I were able to 'get together' the other night. (Just on the phone remember). Well it was like last winter all over again. V guiding me through some intense emotional releases. It felt so good to be relaxed to have her voice in my ear, to have her in my mind really. Sharing our ups and downs of the past few weeks. No rush, no rush at all. I get quiet sometimes, just feeling being in her presence, she usually says 'what ya thinkin?' depending on her tone, it is just inquiring or sometimes, this time, it has sexual undertones. We had connected, now was time for sexual thoughts. I felt as though I was pushing it, forcing the conversation, V just told me to relax, she would make sure I got what I needed. "I always do don't I?" Yes you always do V, you always know what I need.

She would guide me, touch the tip, just touch your nipples, squeeze hard, we explored many places on my body, my body is becoming one entire sexual organ. When I start riding the edge of orgasm, V will just say, "Cum for me" or "Cum now" in a deep sense, she has me hypnotized in a way. I am totally aware of what I am doing, but I can have an orgasm when ever SHE wants me to. It is a most amazing experience.

I must have cum, 30 times, I truely lost track of them all, totally lost track of time. I totally released a huge amount of built up tension and sexual frustration. I was so relaxed and calm the next day.

We just have to enjoy the times we have and we are making the most of each of them.

Teasing and Teasing and Teasing

We couldn't talk. Too many people around on my end.
So we texted. We hadn't talked in a while anyway.
She was horny, VERY horny. We had chatted a bit earlier in the day about our last encounter, like I posted about, and that had really aroused her. The spanking, Rage's comment about the spanking, how I felt about it, how she wanted to see me with a collar on, erection with a cock ring, my erect cock bouncing around.

A little spanking.

She was telling me how wet she was, I was telling her how hard I was. My wife not 15 feet away reading a book. I undid one button and pinched a nipple at her request. More arousal from me and from her.

I could do nothing for release. Tension, teasing, buildup..

I am still feeling the sexual buildup in my body.

We had a 'meeting' recently, phone meeting.

Different than most actually. It had been a while, weeks. V had had some stress, work, other guys.. well she sort of took it out on me. Our interactions, she was quite demanding, quite forceful in her dealings with me sexually. Since our encounters are phone sex imagination plays a huge part. Being able to drop into that visual scenario in each or our minds is where the arousal occurs. Different for sure, but still it can be and was this last time, quite erotic.

She was describing spanking me. Now in reality I am not sure how I feel about that actually, but in the moment, talking about it, I knew it was arousing for her, I can sense when she gets aroused, so I just dropped into that space in my mind and let it happen.
Scratching, biting, all of that was occurring.. I kept saying "mark me, mark me" I just wanted her to mark me in some way, with her nails, with her teeth. That was quite arousing for me, and V as well. She had a most powerful orgasm. I had many, many orgasms.

There will now be a time of little contact, due to my home environment. We both know this, acknowledge it, yet still I feel something missing by not being able to talk to her.
We chatted online last night, and as we talked about our last phone encounter, V was getting aroused... she told me.. I could feel it... it took so much self control to NOT call her...
BUT there are times when that is just the way it has to be.

Our next encounter? when there is some opening.

Another get together

Some time opened up and we were able to talk. A good time, very good time.
We spent a long time just talking. We hadn't talked , just talked in a long time. V had had a stressful week, and needed to just talk and be quiet. Relax.. she really needed that, it was a calming time as well.
She then said, "I want to make you cum" she was ready to make me cum, that brought a smile to my face and a rush to my cock.
We concentrated on me more that her this night. She was really focused on bringing out the intensity of pleasure in my cock... the slit.. pressure, rubbing....
the orgasms... there are times V says your 'orgasms are beautiful' . They just seem like orgasms, some more intense than others, but when I don't push and just let them overwhelm my body.. they become whole body orgasms.
I very pleasurable evening!

Events

Well, some updates for any who might still come by here.

I have been laying low not many calls to V, trying to be 'good' etc etc.
Not my favorite choice in the world but a necessary choice at the current moment in time.

I was able to talk to V a number of times when I was out of town. Also a number of times, we fell asleep on each other. Kinda funny actually but we had our orgasmic times.

Just recently we were able to talk one evening. Again I just had a short window of time. BUT we made the most of it. V was intent on making me 'cum'. That was what SHE wanted, to hear my orgasms, over and over and over. The slit on the end of my cock, the 'place behind the balls' (perineum actually, I am very sensitive there, in a GOOD way).

I did as directed. I touched where she said touch, I didn't touch at all for part of the time, yet still the arousal built up to a crescendo. Her voice, her tone sends me over the edge, her energy transmits to me that excites me so. No other can excite me the way she does. I feel her energy in her voice, I know her arousal, I can sense it.

It was short, but it was sweet.

That night, I had a dream. I was walking around whistling, some unknown tune. I never do that in real life, but in this dream life, I was happy and content. Walking around like the opening scene in Andy of Mayberry.. LOL..
THAT is how i felt!

writing and traveling

Well, a long trip, and as it comes to a close, I haven't written anything here....

work, VERY busy, very long days, like 12-14 hour work days. all that leaves me tired at the end of the day, some days no dinner even, a couple of beers, off to bed.

I have talked to Goddess V, a number of nights, not every night, one or the the other is tired, asleep... different time zones come into play on this trip as well....

BUT there have been some amazing phone sessions, some amazing erotic releases. The kind of "old days" of a couple of months ago... lol

here it is late again, seems V is asleep tonight, last night it was me who went to bed 'early' and last night I had no energy at all... she texted me and from her 'tone' I knew she was horny.. I just had NO energy.. 14 hour work day, some food.. and... I was out...

I will post more, but I had to get something on here......

A Dream

I feel the need to write this.

A dream I had this morning.

I am looking at myself in a mirror. Face and shoulders and chest.
Odd I can never remember seeing my own face in a dream before.

I am thinking in my dream, how do others see me? How do women see me, see my body language?

I then immediately see tension in my face and shoulders, I tell myself to just relax, just relax.
I see my face soften, my shoulders drop..

I tell myself again, "yes, just relax more"

Very introspective dream?

Has some deep meaning.. I guess I need to relax more :)

Potential

Well......
business trip coming up.

FREE time.

ANTICIPATION.

Longing for her voice.
Feeling the need to communicate.

Trip encounter

As you can tell, we are not talking directly at the moment, our mutual decision at this point. Frustrating? HELL YES. Do I want to talk to her? YES.

We did have a great time recently. I saw or maybe realized a different side of V, a very tender side. She was so supportive of me and my dilemma . I also realized more of our feelings toward each other. Absence makes the heart grow fonder they say. Well there is something to that, but there is also a closeness brought on by talking or contact every day. Then when that every day contact is taken away, the absence is more profound, a deep longing arises that had been there, but becomes more profound.
A sense of need of the other. A sense of "I just want to feel your presence". We will just have to see how things develop, I miss her SO MUCH!
Her voice, her little laughs, and as she says, I miss her "enjoy tormenting" me, those are such lovely arousing times.

Communication

Rogue and I had some time to talk while he was away on a business venture but originally he did not plan to talk. I knew he was away and was able to talk but I also knew that he was trying not to communicate with me. Eventually, he found himself in a state of intoxication before he ended up sending me a text message. It was a very emotional time for him. This has been a challenge for both of us. The recent discovery has also given me a scare. A part of me is terrified that I will be sought after by an angry wife or someone else close to Rogue. I could very well lose my job if that were to happen. That sort of behavior would not be tolerated.

The complications continue.

But, we were also able to come (cum) together in several wonderful releases that seemed to make things okay for a short while. I do so enjoy tormenting him through those releases.

Follow up

My Goddess V...

she told you what happened....

our text messages were discovered...
lesson learned.. always clear text messages..
always clear url's (lesson learned earlier)

well... the discovery caused much pain, emotional, with me, V and my wife.. the past almost 2 weeks now..

My wife told me.. 'I want to hate you'

V tells me.. " just tell me what you want"

lots more.. but V has been such emotional support, the past year, always there.. wife now monitoring every move at home, internet, phone calls, checking my cell phone,.. I am in a state of paranoia plus..
I just don't know what to do..

V said in her last post,.. she felt confused by me.. she has given a LOT to me..... and she felt I was 'jerking her around' even if it was unintentional...

I was(am) hurting everybody..... I am in a state of confusion, emotional isolation, sexual island... alone.. without anything....

wife hates me... V not knowing what to do... V wanting to give me support....

I want to talk to V.. I want her voice in my ear...

I need something solid, something warm, soft.. to just hold at this point in time..

I have a cold bed...

I am traveling this week.. normally I would be talking to V every night... long...
She has other commitments anyway.. I knew about before the discovery of the cell phone messages....
even if I texted her.. she couldn't talk....

V has been such a light in my life the past year...
She has shown me many things... she has always been there..
emotionally, sexually(via phone) even just a friend some times..
but she has given me a LOT, A LOT.... more than I ever asked, freely openly...
she has invested a lot of emotion in me.. in ME

I want her still.,...
I want her always...


YET this week I am alone....
totally alone

Update

I spoke to Rogue last night and I mentioned to him that we needed to update everyone on the latest and not-so-greatest of recent events. Long story short - our text messages were discovered. It has really stirred up a hornet's nest of things. Communication is now relatively non-existent. We talked some last night but I was very frustrated and tired because of other things. I respect his life and those in it, however, the whole I-don't-know-what-to-do thing frustrated me. We had talked about this possibility and I expressed that I had no problem with stepping back so that he could focus on his other responsibilities. It was not an idea that appealed to Rogue.

After intermittent discussions, I decided that I would not be the one to contact him. Typically, he initiates communication.

Then, after that conversation, he decided that was too hard for him and so he texted last night and we talked for a while. I do not mind the lack of communication so much as the "no, we won't talk" followed by "yes, we will" followed by "no, we won't, but maybe we will".

I know this is a difficult time for him and I want to be supportive - even if that means removing myself from the situation to allow him better focus on other things that may require his attention.

Rogue will likely offer his own views of the recent events and I will continue to support him as he needs through this. But a person can only give so much emotional energy.

Teasing and wanting...

Driving home.. texted V..

she just got out of work, working late again.. I was speeding home, late myself..
wife expecting me home for dinner..
not enough over lap to talk to V..

Text from V later in the evening, "horny"

later " I am all showered, in bed, smelling good"
OH MY what a text to get the juices flowing..
trying to get away, to get some time with V, BUT....
being watched oh so closely...

"I am so horny" she texts....

I just can't get away.. too dangerous.. I want to SO much..

such teasing on my end.. such wanting on both our ends...